94: Setting The TONE Of Your HOME

What Is This Episode About…

People say, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” But that is the reality. So ladies, how do you set the tone of your home? Guest mother and grandmother Carole Terherst (and yes, my mom) gives sound advice and a little tough love to wives & mothers from all walks of life.

As a mother, you are responsible for setting the tone of your home. However, this doesn’t give you a free pass to make everyone’s life miserable because you let your frustrations get the better of you. This is not to say it will always be easy, but you can make an effort to control it.

With only 7% of communication being verbal, there’s so much energy that a mom can put out to her household, even without saying anything. You don’t have to yell for your children to obey you. You have the magic wand to control the mood, temperature, and status of your home.

As you’ll be hearing my mom explain, parenting is mostly about setting rules and boundaries. You are the mom and the ultimate decision-maker. You are going to establish the non-negotiables, or you’ll have a bigger mess to take care of later.

Click Play on this episode to hear all the nuggets of wisdom that mom gives us, including why getting to a healthy weight helps you maintain a calmer and happier home.

Key Takeaways

How mothers set the tone of their home (02:51)
Making a concerted effort to create a peaceful and safe home (08:04)
Giving age-appropriate responsibilities to your children (12:43)
How to establish boundaries and non-negotiables with your children (14:53)
Why maintaining a calm home is related to the mom being healthy (18:06)
The influence and power women have over their household (20:15)
The negative effects of sugar in your household (21:53)
How parents can transition to healthier food for their children (26:41)
Why moms should take better care of themselves (31:05)

Learn More About The Content Discussed…

Get the Code Red On-The-Go Guide here.

Join the next 10-Pound Takedown Challenge here.

When Was It Released…

This episode was released January 6, 2021

Episode Transcript…

The Transcript Is Auto Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors

Carole Terherst 0:00

I established and I really did. And let me tell you, it’s not easy. It’s just like any rule, it’s just like gold red weight loss, it’s like anything like that, that you’re going to establish the non-negotiables. And you can’t bump her out of those boundaries, or you’re going to have a bigger mess to take care of later. So and I always said either I deal with this with a two-year-old, or a five-year-old, or the fights really on with a 13-year-old.

Cristy 0:31

I’m Cristy Code Red and you’re listening to rebel weight loss and lifestyle, where we believe food holds the power to heal or poison, and we believe our society has been misled regarding proper nutrition and weight loss. You’re in the right place if you’re looking for some straight up truth, because I’m here to shed light on the lies and brainwashing that has taken place over the past five decades. Thanks so much for listening.

Cristy 0:51

Welcome back to rebel weight loss and lifestyle. I’m your host, Cristy code, red author, entrepreneur, retired professional boxer, the owner of Code Red and the creator of the 10 pound takedown challenge. Have you ever done one of our challenges before? Have you ever done you need to do it, we have them every month, they’re wonderful. They’re wonderful. It’s a really great way for $47 to dip your toe into the lifestyle and figure out if it’s for you. We think the proper human diet is for everybody. But we we got to convince you and it’s real food, water and sleep. You know, during the 10 pound take down challenge we track our water our sleep, we track our weight, you follow very simple rules, very simple foods list and come live to you every single day. So guys, I don’t think I’ve ever had my mom on the podcast before. And I’ve got my mom Carole Terherst with me, they call her mama Carol within our code red rebel community. And I asked mom to be on for a couple of different reasons. Because we’re talking about setting the tone of your home now 93% of our clients are Code Red are females. And so Okay, so we can pretty much say that the majority of them are going to be females listening to this right now. And we’re talking about setting the tone of your home and nobody can speak to this better than my mom for the of course she’s my mom, but she had three kids of her own that she’s got a bunch of grandkids and you know, there’s a lot of she brings a lot of authority to this area. But mom, you know, can I just I just hope Mom, you are totally just gonna be like, upfront and real and raw with us. Because let me just tell you what I think because mom’s gonna go Chrissy Lin, when I when she hears this, she’s gonna

Carole Terherst 2:44

it could happen, it wouldn’t be the first time let’s just say that.

Cristy 2:49

Cristy, be nice. But mom, I

Cristy 2:52

don’t get something. So here’s what is frustrating to me when I hear you know, if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. And it kind of makes me think of this woman in her home. And she’s like, like blowing her top. And she’s screaming and ranting and raving and being a complete, like frustrating. And so me for my first thought is calm down. And then my second thought is, she’s probably got a bunch of bratty kids that don’t pull their weight around. Because Mom, you never let us do that at home.

Carole Terherst 3:27

No, no, I didn’t. And whereas I don’t disagree with that same because if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. That’s true. That is a true statement. But it is not a get out of jail free pass for mama to just be crazy ranting and raving and getting into, you know, she birthed those kids. Hey, you know, GE, they chose to have them. And so, and she has a home and she has responsibilities, but you don’t give in to those frustrations, and make everybody else in the entire house miserable because mama ain’t happy.

Cristy 4:11

So mom, take us back to when you were a kid. You had a unique childhood. Because the way you raised us was very different than the way you were raised you you were raised in a can I don’t know if I can can I say abusive home? I mean, not all the time you were you know, you were mistreated. Sometimes. It wasn’t the best of situations until grandma and grandpa divorced and then grandma got with Grandpa Fred. And so it was a blended family and there was a tremendous amount of pressure on you to raise your sisters and to take care of the family. So take us back to the tone of your house when you were growing up.

Carole Terherst 4:49

I would say there were several stages when my mom was still married to my biological father and then they got divorced when I was eight. That was definitely you know There was verbal abuse, my father would get drunk. And he would get angry at us for children, boys and three girls. And I was the middle of it was the boy and then three and I was the middle of the three. So basically a middle child, and my father would get mad, and he was gonna, and he would start molest kids knew that number one, he was drunk, so he couldn’t catch us. And number two, that we knew where to hide, so we couldn’t find us. And so he would start chasing us and we would we were just little rats and we boy, we zipped out of the house, and he would start yelling, you. And expletive expletive whatever’s he said when I catch you he says you he was a you buzzard puking rats, why catch you on an hour, rip your arms off and beat you to a bloody pulp. Well, that was just a joy, wasn’t it? And so we would Dart out of the house, we’d kind of go different directions. But we knew to meet on the side of the house where the opening was to go under the house. Yes, under the house with all the spiders and whoever knows whatever else. But that’s where we were safe. Literally, we would go into the house. And then we could see it. We could hear him yelling that those same things, what he was going to do when he caught us and he was going to and it would get louder as he got to the opening and then it would get quieter. And so yes, there was verbal abuse. Physical abuse, not that. Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I remember my mother having to run a tub of cool water to set my sister in, because daddy whipped her so hard with the Willis witch from the tree, that her little legs were welted and her butt was bleeding. So yeah, there was abuse. So that was the first stage then my mother divorced my dad. And it was actually kind of pleasant. My mom ruled with a, I would say, an iron fist. But it was more like a look, she would raise her eyebrow, she would snap her fingers. She didn’t have to say a word. And we complied. And then when she married my stepfather, that brought its own set of things in the house, even doubt in one respect as far as kindness, and we all got along and stuff like that. And then within the first year, my mom’s son, and three daughters, were joined by my stepdads, son, and three daughters. And then there were six girls and two boys. And I always say, you know, we weren’t The Brady Bunch. We looked like The Brady Bunch. But we weren’t The Brady Bunch. And in that respect, if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. So yes, the tone in my home was Do as I say, not as I do. The tone in my home was when I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you. And the tone in my house was children are to be seen and not heard. And that’s really tough. That was just very difficult. So that’s kind of the background. Were there good times. Yes, of course, of course, of course. But that’s the foundation that was laid that I stepped into my adult life, my married life, and then more specifically, when the kids came along into raising children. And I remember saying to myself, I will not raise my children the way I was raised. Now, it’s hard because we do tend to model how we were raised. And it took a concerted effort to just say, I’m not going to be that mean, screaming abusive woman. I want peace. That was my thing. I just wanted peace in my house. I didn’t want the crazy making. So

Cristy 8:47

did you ever feel so you had us girls, there are three of us were pretty close together. dad worked a lot. So you were alone a lot. You did not have help. You didn’t have you know, a close community of people to come over and help you and give you a break like a lot of women do nowadays, and you have the church nursery, but it’s just was a different day back then the 70s and 80s. And so, did you feel yourself start to Did you have almost like, recommit to that decision each day? Did you feel your start to lose it sometimes?

Carole Terherst 9:19

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Because kids, the kids are kids. They’re little people with very immature brains and minds. And that’s why parents and this is my humble opinion. I’m gonna sidebar for a second. You’re the parent, you’re not their best friend. I mean, I’m friends with Cristy. I’m friends with Cari and Laura now, but back in the day it was I was the mom. So yes, you do. You and especially if they gang up on you or you know, and just life life happens. If it were all you know, Rosie posie Mayberry where we could just script how life goes but it doesn’t. You get a call that you know, there’s unexpected a bill here or there’s something There and there are things that just layer on top of things and who do we hurt the most? Where do we lash out when we are in the pressure cooker, and we can’t take any more than it’s like. And then you could go there. So those situations, I don’t care how good of a mother you are, or how good your kids are, those things will happen. And I’m not saying I didn’t ever scream, it’s so funny. I remember things. And you girls will say we had a great childhood or whatever. And yet, I want to say, who I remembered when I stormed out of the house, because I was so upset, but maybe that was the best thing to do. I remember being upset and removing myself from that situation. It’s not that bad. It’s okay. It’s only crystal there you can find more crystal somewhere. It’s only this. That’s okay. So it’s a burnt roast, whatever it was that got you, you know, into that out of control on the verge of you can control it, you can reel it in, and I would I maybe I’m jumping ahead. But that’s how I would do. If it got to that point, the things that would set me off the most would be if you girls fought. Or if there were financial pressures, and we didn’t talk to you girls much about financial things, we would just say no, we can’t afford that. Or we would say, oh, not right now or we’ll make a list, you know, make a list. We put it on a list. And maybe one day we’ll look at that and things like that. So financial pressure. If Larry and I were maybe at odds about something which wasn’t often, or if you girls were going through something specifically, those kind of set things off. Other than that, unless there are other issues like I know, there are emotional issues, and some people need help medically and things like that, to help level them out. But mostly, you can dial that back in. I feel like

Cristy 12:03

so only 7% of all communication is verbal. And I know there’s so much energy that a mom can put out as the mom of the household. It without having to say anything, because they’re you guys, we’re not yellers, in our household yet we obeyed you. So did you establish that early on, man? Thank you, you established your parenting style early on, when we were little we were babies, little toddlers, you know that we just when we got to be older, we didn’t. I mean, I know we gave you a hard time sometimes. But we were pretty good kids. And that household was pretty calm. Because you established it early on, right?

Carole Terherst 12:43

I had rules. I had personal rules, which I call non negotiables. I’m the mother. What I say goes, it’s my way or the highway. But I wasn’t unrealistic with what my requirements were. And it was always age appropriate. So I didn’t expect you to, you know, clean your room and do the dishes when you were two years old. But I’ll tell you what you were when you were born, Cari was too well, she could walk, she could talk, she could throw a fit. So she can darn well go get me a diaper, she can put the milk back in the refrigerator, she can pick up her clothes, if she’s smart enough to know how to throw a fit and the tantrum or whatever to get her own way that she’s smart enough to help. So I always was age appropriate, giving you girls responsibilities that were age appropriate. If you took toys out, you put toys back. If you made a mess, you cleaned it up, I wasn’t your slave. So I made those things very clear. And other things were you could tell me because like when I said, My mother said when I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you. Children are to be seen and not heard. She meant it. If you wanted to be in a room where other adults were you knew to hush up because if she heard you, and she turned in saw you, she just would raise the eyebrow, give a look and go like that. But it would be down by your side. And you knew I’ve got to leave the room. I shouldn’t have said that. So I wasn’t like that. I was more you. I wanted you girls to be able to come to me with anything or even a suggestion because I would do something and Cari was always the one Hi, Mom, I think we could do this better. And I would just feel myself start. And then I would think well, you’re what she has to say. And I would go huh? Well, we’re starting with a lot of that, or you know, whatever. We had dialogue, whatever it was. So I always wanted to hear what you girls had to say. But it had to be said with respect. And it couldn’t just be interrupt, interrupt, you know, jump into the middle of an adult conversation and tell me you know, because I was kind of like my mom like that. Yeah, you know, don’t do that. So I established and I really did. And let me tell you, it’s not easy. It’s just like any rule. It’s just like Code red weight loss, it’s like anything like that, that you’re going to establish the non negotiables. And you can’t bump her out of those boundaries, or you’re going to have a bigger mess to take care of later. So and I always said, either I deal with this with a two year old, or a five year old, or the fights really on with a 13 year old. And I knew a bit I knew to get my bluff in on a two year old or a five year old, so that it would help ease things up with a 13 1415 Oh, god 18 can’t get to here soon enough. You’re old, you know. So yes, I was a disciplinarian, more so than a lot of my friends. But I knew I had to get controller I would be that screaming woman.

Cristy 15:46

I specifically remember one time, I was really little, and I was after church. Now that was back in the day when we were really, really, really involved in church. We’ve been involved in church our whole lives. My you know, us girls and stuff. You and dad, Pastor churches, you were always involved in the choir and the music and everything. And back in the day people got together after church, and in each other’s house. And I remember, there was a whole room full of adults, and no kids were allowed in the room. But I wanted you to hold me and you said that you would you would hold me if I didn’t say anything. And I understand that. So you did I remember, I remember just like laying my head. You were rocking me and patting my back. But I knew that don’t interrupt the adults don’t say anything. I’m sure you don’t remember that.

Carole Terherst 16:29

Well, I that makes sense that I would say that. And because we always encouraged you girls to share what you thought and whatever. And because we didn’t have a lot of outside, we didn’t have a lot of money to go do outside things. We entertained ourselves that our home, you girls would get up and sing away and act things out and we would do plays and stuff like that. So if you were not none of you girls were really shy and thought that whatever you had to say everybody would just think it was just grand. So like Cari even one time a whole roomful of adults and but she was little and she went anybody like everybody, anybody, anybody. Anybody. You know what a whole roomful of adults did. She was the first grandkid. The whole roomful of adults went,

Unknown Speaker 17:16

Oh,

Carole Terherst 17:17

what is she good? What is your coach? Curious? I remember thinking she’s two years old. No, anybody, anybody interrupt a bunch of adults. So it doesn’t surprise me that I would have said that to you. But my mother would have told me to get out of the room, she would never have put me up in her lap. So that mother part of me, and it’s isn’t that really all a teaching moment? Okay, Cristy, if you obey what I one thing I’ve asked you guess what, you get to stay right here in mama rock you. And I’m happy to do that. veer off of that hit those bumper boundaries and start saying anybody anybody Look at me, guess what? Now you go into the room and play with the other kids. So yes, that doesn’t surprise me that I would have done that.

Cristy 18:06

We, you know, I’ve nowadays the kids are the center of attention. I mean, I went and visited a friends about a year ago. And the entire conversation around dinner was with their kids just talking the whole time and as adults, and we just never got to talk at all. So that’s very frustrating. So how much do you think now You were never overweight growing up, I just don’t remember that until you got to be menopause. And then since you really took control of your life, about four years ago, or so three years ago, you’ve lost and maintained 50 pounds off of with for through code, read real food, water and sleep. So now you feel good. And I know growing up, you felt good. But how much do you think maintaining a calm home has to do with the mom being healthy and feeling good?

Carole Terherst 18:52

Well, it’s only a speculation because I wasn’t fat. But I will tell you the more weight I gained in those 50s 50s. By that I mean my age, my 50 years, not the 50 pounds you were talking about. So the more that your weight goes up, and that you’re in that state that you’re not happy with yourself, you’ve gained all that weight or whatever, I believe their confidence goes down and I think that you’re more inclined to give in to those frustrations, the things that aggravate you because you’re aggravated with yourself, you’re unhappy with yourself, you’re not satisfied with where you are. And that’s an underlying for me that was an underlying constant niggle almost like a buzz you can’t get out of your heads it’s there it’s there. It’s there. So then when something minor happens you’re like, Ah, you know you give into that and I feel like personally and I wasn’t helping my I was in pain. You know remember my info I had the bad I thought it was arthritis and stuff will and and you’re just not healthy. You don’t feel good and you give in to that and you can just be this crazy woman and I believe the healthier I got, the less everything else external bothered me. You know, I was just happy with myself. So I became a happier person and I exuded that happiness, the healthier I got.

Cristy 20:15

That’s a great point. I hope ladies, I hope you’re listening because that’s a that’s incredible advice. You hear that? Mom? Do you think that women forgets the kind of power they have over their household and the kind of influence they have over their family?

Carole Terherst 20:28

Let me think about this for one second, if that woman realized that power, I think she would wield it differently. I think that she doesn’t believe that she is even significant. There is a point that you can get to that the kids don’t listen to me. My husband isn’t listening to me, the dog and the cat. They don’t even listen to me earlier. But if if you would realize that you do have that authority and that power, then you would wield it different because you’re wielding it one way or the other. You’re going to be the screaming lady that everybody runs and hides from or rolls her eyes. Well, there goes mom again, she’s on the warpath again. Everybody, watch out, watch out for mom tech tech tech moms on one. And if you realize that you really did have that power, you could make it positive power. You could create that scenario in your home. You could level this you girls and come in and you would one of you are this and the other was all and you can just bring that down or all those things can make it like the My Little Teapot and cabana you’re the steam goes off. So you do have power to wield. And I don’t think that they they’re feeling like they’re misusing it. I just believe you don’t realize that you have the magic wand. And it really is in your control the mood and the temperature and the status of your home that you create for your family.

Cristy 21:53

Yeah, that’s incredible. You’re just having so you’re just dropping bombs right in love. Do you because I know that you raise your kids in a different era in the 70s 80s, early 90s. And it wasn’t as much of an issue the food because simply we didn’t have the money for chemical processed junk food. We ate off the land. We ate what dad and you harvested. We butchered our own animals, things like that. But how much do you think the role of sugar plays in today’s household?

Carole Terherst 22:25

It’s ghastly I don’t think people realize I had just had recently someone say they brought me a water stop to the C store brought me a water and they got something else. And they said this is what I drink it. It really and it was a monster. And I said well, wait a minute. Let’s turn this around. Oh look, it’s 17 grams of sugar and 12 grams of carbs. I said no, no. But it was like No, this is healthy because it’s electrolyte replacement or something. And I didn’t think about sugar because I made pies and cakes and cookies but not excessively and so I you know I used sugar, but I believe I so believe that. Sugar is it’s like an adrenaline junkie. Your kids eat it. And they just go I remember one time Laura. She was really hooked on sugar. And I didn’t realize that other than Oh, she likes sweets and Cristy doesn’t. And one day she I got called from the teacher. The school was across the street and she said I’m just letting you know I’m sending Laura home. And I’m like and Lauren never got in trouble. She was kind of more the quiet one. I was like, really? She goes I do not know what happened. It was about 30 minutes after lunch. And she said but I can’t control her. And I was like, sure it’s not Cari. Sure. It’s Laura. Here came Laura walking home or head hungry little braids walking home. Before she got to the house. The thought occurred to me and I I called the teacher back real quick. And I said well you check something for me. Will you check and see if someone gave her some candy or someone whatever. And she called me right back and the kid next to her traded Laura’s nutritious lunch for up a bunch of candy. And Laura ate all that candy and didn’t eat her lunch. And she was over the top she could not control herself. And I’m telling you she was cruising for a spanking when she if if I if that hadn’t dropped into my head and be the teacher and the teacher back to me. That little that cute little kid with those long blonde braids would have got her little Fanny fired up for being such a disruptive child at class for no reason. But it wasn’t no reason. And I absolutely not even knowing what I know today. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. That sugar, threw her into out of control. She could not control herself. She was crying. She didn’t know when she came in the door. She said

Unknown Speaker 24:54

No Why? Why mama mama mama. I’m

Carole Terherst 24:57

so sorry. And I said I know why. This is how this is how this is going to go down from here on out. No candy at school. You can have one piece of candy when you get home or whatever the rule was, but I it plays the biggest part, I can’t even tell you. And I’ve never even you know, I mean I, I haven’t read all the studies on it. But it does.

Cristy 25:19

It we even the way I’ve watched you with the grandchildren we have, right we have three grant, you have three grandkids in their 20s and one who’s 10 years old. And I’ve never seen you give candy or sweets to the grandkids, you’ve always been really good about really keeping that down.

Carole Terherst 25:39

It’s important to me, because I know what it’s doing to them. And I don’t want to zip them up and send them home to mom Plus, I don’t want to zip them up and then be at my house. Plus, I didn’t have it. I didn’t have it at my house. Again, I might have had something homemade, but not lots of it. But not just fistfuls into bags of stuff. I never I just really didn’t have it in the house. And I never catered to the grandkids. Oh, I wouldn’t run to the store and buy them whatever they wanted. Now back in the day bc before Cristy Code Red. You know, we might would have gone and gotten doughnuts on a Saturday. If we do the grandkids, we’re gonna come over something Oh, let’s have doughnuts. Or I remember when they were little. And we lived in McCall we would go to ice cream alley and we would get an ice cream with the grandkids because of because of the event because of the it was a fun thing to do. And then we go walk around the lake. But no, I I don’t want it in my house. And you know what the grandkids are better off without it. Here’s an apple go play.

Cristy 26:41

Yeah. If you are talking to parents nowadays, and they want to transition to healthier food they want to get they want to get more Code Red have more Code Red , which is so funny when you say Code Red kid because it’s where they’re just a little humans. It’s just real food. It’s real food for everybody. So I don’t really know what what that means. Like, you know, we’re going to switch over to code red, so we’re not going to have the Pop Tarts anymore. I know that I’ve heard you give the advice to parents to just stop buying it. Don’t make it a big deal. Just stop buying it. And number one, number two, have the kids help them make it and make it fun for them. Like put it in nice, cute little bowls.

Carole Terherst 27:19

Yes, absolutely. And I was thinking when you said about kids, and here’s the deal. They are little humans, why should they get something different? I don’t get that. at our house. It was one meal. It was what I was making, and you eat it. And if you don’t want it, I’m not gonna force you to eat it. But you don’t get something else. So I I would if I were if I were talking to parents, which I am apparently right now to moms, just I think it depends on the age of your child. If they’re younger if they’re although I saw a woman in a store, and her kid was probably three, and the whole checkout line, of course, it was junk junk. It was in Ross. So you know how those aisles are just lined with stuff. This little kid picked up everything from it from the beginning, weaving our way around, throwing herself down and the mother didn’t budge. I wanted to I should have but it was six foot distancing. To say to that mother, good on you. She just calmly said, No, Sally. No, we’re not good. Could you please put that back? I didn’t know. Now, I would have done the same thing and then spanked you when I got out the car. So don’t ever do that to me again in public. Don’t you do that to me again, in public? You do that to me again in public? And, and you won’t even get the dessert I have planned for the family. You know? Ah, no. So my thing is, if they are really young, you just just take it away, have an apple have a pair have a cherries have grapes, there’s so many good things, those kids, you know, tell them to drink water. I was told you kids, Mom, I’m hungry, go get a glass of water, you’re gonna be fine. You know, about my tummy hurts, go poop, you’re gonna be fine. I mean, it was just basic. And you know what it worked, I would say to them, if they get a little older, say, you know what, I’m not going to buy this stuff. This is what I would do, I’m not going to buy chips, I’m not going to buy pop, it’s not going to be in the house. Don’t ask for it. If you ask for it, it’s going to make me really angry. And you’ll there will probably be consequences. So just go ahead and ask for and see what happens. See how that goes for you. I would just shoot straight. Now you can’t control what they do when they’re out of the house. But you control what’s in your the four walls of your home, you control what’s in the cupboard, you control what’s in the fridge. And if you don’t you need to get a handle on that. It’ll make your life easier. I say deal with it now or deal with it later. You’re going to deal with it. And I would just say Billy Bobby, Sally, Susie, I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m going to have alternatives. And you’re welcome to have those not in copious amounts. But this is the way it’s going to go down and we’re all going to feel better. And if you don’t like it, go to your room. I don’t want to hear about it. Don’t complain to me. You know what, if you every time you complain to me, I’m going to find a chore for Are you to do I really I need someone to fold the laundry? I need someone to scoop the poop out of the yard. You know what? Please complain? I can’t I make I’m making my list now. Oh, I can’t wait. And listen, I’m good. No, no. Well, Cristy knows, I get Cari I could get get started on this right now. But let them know what’s going on. Because they’re going to detox and they need to, and you know, make make a game of it how many times you drink your water, I mean, there’s so many things you can do to just switch your focus, don’t focus on, we’re not having sugar anymore, and maybe focus on you didn’t, you only have one cavity at the dentist, or you you know, you drink you drink this much. There’s so many positive things you can do. And I’m a big firm believer in, take out the negative and put in the positive. And you’ll just do so much better with your kids and your whole mental state. And if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy thought that’s going to dissipate, and mom is going to be happy because you’re going to have more well behaved children.

Cristy 31:05

I really get tired of the mommy martyr attitude where moms are feeling like that’s a badge of honor when they when they stay up late, you know, checking on their kids, or they let their son take the car out, you know, their 15 year old son till two o’clock in the morning, and then they’re up worrying about them. I mean, it’s just women need to really focus on them on themselves. And it’s easy for me to say this, because I don’t have kids. But what would you say? Would you also say the same thing about although you didn’t do a lot of focusing on yourself when we were growing up, and I think probably you regret that you did, you had just a couple of hobbies that you really liked. But women need to, you know, you do need to take care of yourself. So you effectively can take care of others.

Carole Terherst 31:46

You do need to and we would do fun things like we all colored our hair together. You know, those were kind of things that I would do to take and you girls and say would go to the store? Can we pick out our own color? I’d say yeah, but Ain’t nobody getting out of school tomorrow. If you turn it green, you’re wearing that green head tomorrow till we can fix it. You know. And remember, you came home when you said Mama, can I get this? We were you know, we were buying our hair color. And it was I remember looking at it, your hair was about down to here. It was long. And I looked at the box and it said jet black. Oh god, I’m like, You do realize it’s going to look like this. It’s going to be so black. It’s going to look shiny blue. Yeah. Like everybody’s gone to school tomorrow. So we would do things like that. We would do fingernails, toenails, we had, you know, we had tea parties. But I want to go back to something that you said earlier about the mother about the kids and the car and this and that. You are the ultimate decision maker, those kids in my humble opinion, which is why I’m your guest, is they’re not the ones making the decision. They’re not paying the bills. They’re not. They’re not they’re not they’re not? Why do you feel like you have to adhere to their demands? You don’t? You’re the mama, think about what kind of wife you are creating your daughter to be? Or what kind of a husband father, you’re letting your son become? Do you like their behavior in your home? Well, guess what? their spouse isn’t gonna like it either. You’re doing them a disservice. So it’s it’s so important to remember you are the rule maker. And the rule enforcer is an easy, no. But when you get teenage children or even up a little bit older, let me tell you, I enjoyed my kids. You know, my kids used to say to me, Mama, Mama, please, Mama, please, you’re so much fun. We want you to come to our dance, we want you to be the chaperone. All I could think of was dang all those kids gonna be down that dance. I get to sit back quiet, easy put my feet up. But they wanted me to be around them. Because they loved me. They trusted me. We had a good relationship. And I was like, Well, what about so and so Oh, there they are. They don’t want their mom there. So you can create a relationship with your children where they feel safe. And they trust you because they know the rules are the rules. And how we do things is how we do things. And they’re safe. You create a safe environment and they want you around. They just they trust you. It’s because you’re the Mom, you’re not the friend yet. You’re not the whatever. And it is so enjoyable because you will create an atmosphere where you can enjoy your children. And it’s just it’s not a life sentence. It’s a pleasure. But you’ve got to be consistent in what your rules are, what your non negotiables are, and you know, raise some good kids because they’re going to be our police officers and the people at the bank and you know, the different people serving us later. So the Good job. Don’t make them poops. Yeah, oh, I

Cristy 35:03

know those are your kids are the ones I’m gonna be hiring at my company. So Gosh, darn it, please make them do their spelling because so many people can’t spell. If my ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy setting the tone of your home ladies, I really hope. And even fellows, if you’re listening to this, I really hope that you were able to glean such a a lot of knowledge from my mom, a grandmother, and mother and just worked all her life. And it’s just so many wonderful things about her. And thank you, mom so much for coming to me, coming to us. And you guys 10 pound take down comm is where you go, I know I mentioned that at the beginning, I really want you to at least just try it. $47 just try it. And if you really want to skip to the front of the line, you always get a custom program for 997. And we customize your entire program and give you three months right off the bat with our in our coaching group where we coach you 20 hours a day. It’s remarkable and you can lose 10% of your body weight every month. So mom, thank you so much. Once again, I appreciate you.

Carole Terherst 36:07

Thank you. It’s been a pleasure. Thank you for asking me.

Cristy 36:10

And we will see you on the next episode of rebel weight loss and lifestyle. You guys have a good one. Thank you, everybody. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of rebel weight loss and lifestyle. Do you have a question that you’d like me to answer raw and uncut on the podcast? Then all you have to do is head over to Apple podcasts on your phone or computer and do three simple things. leave a rating and review telling me what you think of the podcast. And in that review, ask anything you want related to help weight loss or mindset. And if you want a shout out, leave your Instagram handle or name, that’s all. Then listen in to hear your question answered live raw and uncut on the next q&a episode, so I’ll see you on the next episode of rebel weight loss and lifestyle.