Experiencing a loss can take even the strongest people down. “The greater the loss, the greater the pain.”
If you’re in the middle of taking your life back on the Code Red Lifestyle™ when you experience a loss, the temptation may be to abandon your healthy eating and eat anything you can get your hands on in order to feel even a little bit better.
If your loss is the loss of a loved one, and living, well-meaning loved ones bring you food they’ve prepared, you may find it even more challenging, especially if you feel guilty at the thought of not eating the food gifted to you.
Loss isn’t limited to the death of a loved one. It might be the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, losing everything in a fire, and even the loss of a familiar community as you move to a new location.
Loss leads to grief, which is a complicated state of being that shows up in both predictable, and very unpredictable, ways.
We’ve all heard of the five stages of grief, but it’s SO important to remember that those stages aren’t meant to be some linear progression.
You may experience the emotions multiple times – plus emotions that aren’t even included in the five stages of grief – or you may experience three of the five.
Your grieving process is as unique as you are, and the first step to grieving in a healthy way is to allow grief to happen how it needs to happen for YOU.
You’re not “grieving wrong” just because you go from feeling okay one second to being on the floor sobbing the next. For you, grief may be rollercoaster that changes from minute to minute. Or, you may be someone who needs to quietly withdraw and process internally.
Whatever your grief process turns out to be, here are a few tips to help you grieve in a healthy way, authentic to you, without going off the rails.
Allow your emotions to come up.
I’m not saying you have to feel everything all the time, and there may be instances where you compartmentalize (such as when you’re driving on the highway and bursting into tears might endanger you or others).
But it is important to allow yourself to feel how you feel, judgment-free, even if it’s not a “socially acceptable” feeling.
Talk about your loss, if it helps.
You may not need to do this forever, but talking about what you’ve lost can help you work through it. Not everyone in your life may be equipped to listen, but if there are people, and they’re willing, take them up on their offer. Speaking with a qualified professional may be helpful, too.
Eat healthy food, drink water, and get sleep.
I totally understand why it seems pointless to stick with healthy eating, and why the thought of diving into whatever comfort foods you want sounds appealing.
And, the no-B.S. truth from Cristy is that once some time has passed, and you begin to discover your new normal, you won’t be grateful to have another 20 or 30 pounds to lose, on top of everything else you’re going through.
Plus, healthy eating, water, and sleep (take a sleep aid if you need to) will better equip you to process your grief. Eating crap may comfort you in the moment, but you’ll feel worse physically, emotionally, and about yourself. The food we eat influences our emotions, and when you’re already feeling rotten, eating garbage food is the worst thing you can do.
If people offer to help, take them up on it.
The whole suffer in silence thing doesn’t work. You feel isolated and unloved, at a time when you’re already feeling lost and disconnected.
If people offer to help you with something, take them up on it. You don’t have to take EVERYONE up on their offer to help, but if someone’s willing to drive you someplace, run errands, or just be present and listen, it’s okay–and encouraged–to accept their help.
Be gentle with yourself.
Depending on the circumstances surrounding your loss, it may take more out of you than you think. Allow yourself the time and space to process, grieve, and heal. This is especially important if you’re someone who’s typically hard on yourself. I get it, because I’m the same way; but at the same time, the last thing you need while grieving is to punish yourself.
How much space you need to heal and process depends entirely upon you and what you’ve gone through. Listen to yourself, and be honest with yourself.
Your exact recipe for staying on track while grieving depends on your exact situation, your personality, your current skill level when it comes to self-management, and how much support you need and accept.
The tips above are great places to start.
If you need or want a deeper dive into staying on track while grieving, click below to check out Grief, Loss & Code Red, a two-part digital course hosted by Larry Terherst, a licensed counselor, and Cari Thompson, MSN, RN, who’s worked in the ICU for two decades and has witnessed grief in every form you can imagine.
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