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95: Parking At The POINT Of Your PAIN

What Is This Episode About…

At what point does your past STOP defining you? If you park at the point of your pain and never move past it, you'll never show up for your true self and help others.

When you park at the point of our pain and don't get past it, you hinder the light inside you from showing. You don't show up and end up robbing yourself and your loved ones of your light, your joy, and all the good that you bring to the world.

The world needs you to show up, but you can't show up while you are parking at the point of your pain. No matter what happened to you, and we are cognizant of the fact that many traumatic things happen to people who never asked for them or ever deserved them, but we can't allow them to define us.

Cari and I have had bad things happen to us, but we didn't park there. We didn't allow these experiences to define us. Remember, nobody can steal your joy. Don't let what happened to you be an excuse for not reaching your goals.

Are you struggling to let go of the past and are still parking at the point of your pain? Click Play to learn how to get past your pain and how the Code Red team can help you in your journey.

Key Takeaways

  • At what point are you going to let the past stop defining you (01:48)
  • Making your test your testimony (07:17)
  • How your past loses power over you when you don't let it define you (12:21)
  • Nobody can steal your joy (13:21)
  • Taking the power out of the person who hurt you (16:16)
  • Embracing the present by seeing past your hurt (19:22)
  • You are worth it; you deserve to be happy (20:00)
  • Don't let what happened to be an excuse for not reaching your goals (23:35)

Learn More About The Content Discussed…

Get the Code Red On-The-Go Guide here.

Join the next 10-Pound Takedown Challenge here.

When Was It Released…

This episode was released on January 13, 2020

Episode Transcript…

The Transcript Is Auto Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors

 

Cari  0:00  

So two women, similarly abusive pasts. One didn't park at the pain and one can't get past the pain.

 

Cristy  0:10  

Yeah. And what's happening is you're robbing yourself and your loved ones of your light, your joy, what you bring to this world, you're robbing us, me and the world needs you to show up and yet you ain't showing up.

 

Intro  0:29  

I'm Cristy Code Red and you're listening to rebel weight loss and lifestyle where we believe food holds the power to heal or poison, and we believe our society has been misled regarding proper nutrition and weight loss. You're in the right place if you're looking for some straight-up truth because I'm here to shed light on the lies and brainwashing that has taken place over the past five decades. Thanks so much for listening.

 

Cristy  0:56  

Welcome back to rebel weight loss in lifestyle. I'm your host, Cristy code, red author,

 

Unknown Speaker  1:00  

entrepreneur,

 

Cristy  1:01  

retired professional boxer. I'm here almost as always, with Cari Thompson, the COO of Code Red, and an MSN Rn, thank you so much for being here. As always,

 

Cari  1:15  

I am thrilled to do it. So and this is a great topic we have today. I think I say that every week. But I really like our topics.

 

Cristy  1:24  

There are some topics that I that we do that actually not that we do that I've done by myself that are like, holy crap, I'm getting low on podcast recordings. I gotta I gotta get something and I just pull something out like that. That isn't even that great. And I just go I don't even listen to it. I'm always like, oh, Cristy, but this one is a good one. And we are talking to you. Let's get right into it. I think we should just get right into it. Okay, what's gonna be are you ready for this? Yeah. And by the way, by the way, some of you ain't gonna like this a little bit, but that means you need to hear it. Now. You're packing parking at the point of your pain. At what point? Are you going to stop letting your past define you?

 

Cari  2:07  

Oh, Cristy, I love this. And the reason everyone that we're doing this podcast is because Cristy and myself have seen so many people that struggle with this exact issue. I mean, it has become a reoccurring theme

 

Cristy  2:26  

it has, and let's back it up here and say Cari now we're both molested when we were a kid. I'm sorry. I know. That was like a Like what? That was kind of like like, Did you take your shirt off and just show the Love is like that come from? I mean to embarrass, I should have really curious about Okay, buddy, you're fine. We have a lot of you guys listening and us. We have been victimized in the past. We have things that have happened to us now. A lot of you guys have had horrific unfathomable things that have happened to you absolutely, like I just something that never should happen to another human being. And you've lived to tell it. And then some of you have been able to get this far in your life and you've had a pretty benign normal life and you haven't had horrific things. So we realize that there are things we're gonna bring up that a lot of you guys will go, geez, I'd take those problems any day. And then other people would just be like, I can't even believe it. So, but what we find is that a lot of people don't ever get past what has happened to them. Whatever it is, whether they lost a child or they were victimized or they went bankrupt or something, they just can't seem to get past it.

 

Cari  3:34  

And I think that one of the inspirations for this story, Cristy is what I would like to call the tale of two women. And these are both family members of Cristy and eyes. And I won't say who they are. But the first woman had a terrible upbringing was abused, was never told that her mom loved her had a terrible upbringing, yet has not parked at that pain, Cristy, they have decided that they are not going to let those experiences define them and went on to raise children successfully had a successful marriage, you know, worked out in the workforce and just was able to get along with people and love people and move forward from those awful experiences. Now another person in our family, same it, you know, around the same age a little younger, had a some terrible had a terrible marriage had parents who a father who treated her pretty terribly. And yet Cristy To this day, brings it up 3040 years later, still saying Do you know what he said to me when I was 16? Do you know what my ex husband said to me when I was 20 do you know and brings it up and it's as fresh and the pain is still right there with this person all the time. So two women similarly abusive past, one didn't park at the Pain and one can't get past the pain.

 

Cristy  5:04  

Yeah, and what's happening is you're robbing yourself and your loved ones of your light, your joy, what you bring to this world, you're robbing us, me and the world needs you to show up. And yet you ain't showing up. There's another example of a girl that Cari and I went to high school with, who had a very sick child. She was born sick, she was sick her entire life. And this wasn't like a tragic in any way, the little girl ended up dying of her sickness. And it wasn't like the child got hit by a car the horrific or died suddenly this child was sick from day one the whole time. And this child has been gone for years. But yet this girl, the mom cannot seem to get past it. So her other kids the relationship with her other kids and suffered the relationship with her husband suffered the relationship with her and her job has suffered, all areas of her life have suffered because she won't move past. The passing of this child is very sick child and in a lot of pain. And I don't mean to sound insensitive. I hope that's not coming across, please hear my heart. But the whole world. We're being robbed of this wonderful light that this girl has inside of her because she can't get past the pain of her child

 

Cari  6:19  

after many, what 10 years later. And I do think that it's important to point out, Cristy let me unpack this just a little bit that we Cristy nor I are saying that you did not go through painful things. saying that you should not have a child. We're not you should do like ever. I was molested, I was raped, my child died. Saying that, or just ask, I want to ask you this question. I want to sit with you. And I'm going to ask you the question. At what point? Does that event stop controlling your life? At what point? Does that event stop controlling you? We're not saying you can't be sad about those things and mourn those things. But at what point? Do those events stop controlling you? And that's what it is. For the girl you were talking about. For these two people. It's a total control of your life.

 

Cristy  7:17  

And you know what i like? I mean, I don't was I as weird as it is, it's gonna sound like saying I like I appreciate the rough things that I have been through, because it has helped me write my story. I can promise you that I wouldn't be where I am today. I know I wouldn't be where I am today had I not gone through so many things just heartache and so many things, things that I didn't ask for things that I didn't necessarily deserve. The things that I didn't really cause. But I'm standing here. So I have been able to take my past crapola and turn it into my story, my test has become my testimony. And I've been able to but I didn't stay there. I didn't like oh, like you know, it couldn't get up out of bed in the morning because I was so riddled by what happened to me when I was five.

 

Cari  8:04  

And I think that's what happens with people that it almost becomes, and this is going to make some people upset Cristy. But it almost becomes part of your personality to be angry at that person who did that to you. So it becomes like a pet. We pet it, we want to keep it around. We don't want to give it up. We like it. And again, I mentioned this earlier, but I think it bears repeating that we don't begrudge you the pain you went through. We know that it was painful. But at what point does it stop? What when does that not define you? Yes, it sucks getting abused. But at what point Can I just be Cari and not Cari who was abused and I can move past that.

 

Cristy  8:46  

Cari and I write all the custom programs. With Code Red, you could join a challenge. Or you can get a custom program or you can do both will push you to the front of the line. And you can lose 10% of your body weight every month without shakes pills, diet foods or exercise. And so when Cari and I Cari medically screens, everybody, so she goes through all the room, we have a third person that checks the math and we have three sets of eyes that make sure that all these programs are good before they go out the door to you. And Cari will read through the whole 33 questions. And she medically screens it. And then I read through it. And anyway, it's a whole process. But Cari, have you noticed with some people's paperwork, when you're reading through their questions, they bring up their past issues constantly. They are such a victim. It's always they're always bringing it up. And this happened to me and this happening and you're I'm counting back, let's see 1984 it's 2000 that was, what 26 years ago, you know, or whatever I'm doing. I think I did that. Oh, that was 36 years ago. So that's in your head that happens a lot. You notice that what the paperwork? I think you're absolutely

 

Cari  9:53  

right. And there are people that mentioned they've been through bad things and then they just move past it and then there are other people that every other Line was, well, I have an autistic child, or, well, I was abused as a child. Now we're not saying those things aren't horrible. I just don't want it to be who you are. That's what I don't want. I want you to be you, having gone through that, like Cristy could have sat around for the rest of her life and say my first marriage was horrible. I was beaten up. So I'm not going to go to college, I'm not going to make anything of myself. I don't want to go to the gym, I don't want to make my life better. I don't want to try to reach sick people. But she took that pain and she used it as a catalyst. She didn't let what happened to her back in 1993. Define who she is today. It made her who she is. But it doesn't continue to define her.

 

Cristy  10:44  

I want to repeat again, let your test become your testimony. You can't have a testimony without a test. But I would like to see you harness those things that happen and molded into your story. Maybe write a book maybe teach an online class about this. Maybe just go on Facebook Live and talk about it and quit because you can help others do you realize that when you park at the point of your pain and you don't get past it, that's gonna hinder the hold of this little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. And you are not you are hiding your light under a bush. Oh, no. Remember that part of the song we all know it hide it under a bush. Oh, no, I'm gonna let it and that's what's happening when you let that pass to find you when you wallow in that when you let it day in and day out. Just smother your life, then you don't show up. Do you realize that you can help others heal by you sharing Hey, listen about Joyce Meyer, Joyce Meyer, the largest evangelist on this planet? She was massively abused by her dad her entire childhood for like for teen years. It was horrible, not just Oh, just, it just was massive incest. And so what would happen if Joyce never would have talked about that, and never would have? I mean, millions and millions of people. She went on to write 130 books I'm and she's still ministering now in her 80s. So I don't want to see this happen to you. And you might be saying, Well, I'm not Joyce Meyer, well, wait a minute, but you're you somebody is going to be healed and somebody is going to be helped from your story if you just don't park there.

 

Cari  12:21  

And the other thing I think it's really important to keep in mind about this is when you choose to not let this define you. It loses power. So for instance, I'm just going to use you Cristy, because you're sitting here when Cristy decided not to let the abusive relationship she was in when she was 18 years old, define who she is not be the excuse. But it was the catalyst when she did that. Guess what happened to that person that did that to her. He lost all his power, didn't he Cristy, he lost all of his power,

 

Unknown Speaker  12:56  

all his Oh, and look what he did all that it was

 

Cari  13:01  

gone. Just down to a pitiful human being sorry, but that's what that person is the person that hurt you. They're just pitiful, sad people they really are. Sometimes they're evil, horrible people, but they lose their power. When you stop letting it be part of your story that you tell all the time.

 

Cristy  13:21  

You know, your joy is the one thing nobody can take from you. And I if you believe in God and Satan, if you believe in the good and the evil, if you believe in the dark and the light, you know that that Satan's job, the Bible says is to steal, kill and destroy. So look, the devil doesn't want your washing machine, okay? He's not coming for your car, he's coming for your joy. However he can take that from you is what he's gonna do. That is his job. He is full of hate. He wants you to be miserable. And so if he can keep you wallowing in that victim, state of mind for as long as possible for years to go by, and you just right like that, then not that he's done his job and you don't have to get into that.

 

Cari  14:03  

Absolutely. And again, I think it's super important to keep in mind that it is a choice. It is not that bad things haven't happened to you. We understand the bad things, trust us. We've walked through some of those things, but it is what you choose to do with it. I watched a Marie Kondo the other night Cristy remember sparking joy, and this lady lost her husband, and she was so heartbroken. But I was so proud of her strength because she said, If I don't deal with the loss of him, I can't make room for what's coming next. Also his clothes and his belongings which is what the show was about. But also emotionally if you let the people that hurt you take up space in your soul and in your heart. You can't make room for new experiences the person the tale of the two ladies that I told the one that's bitter and constantly talks about the family that hurt her. She has no room in her soul Cristy for new experiences joy, happiness because who is taking up space? The people that hurt her, the memories, the bad things, the bad feelings all take up space in her soul. So nothing else can there's no work the real estate, it's expensive real estate and it's all taken up by bad memories.

 

Cristy  15:19  

In some of these memories are really difficult to get past. Yes, we we get that too and you might need some counseling. In fact, Dad told us one time our dad has a Larry is a licensed lcpc, a licensed counselor. And he said to us one time we were talking to him about something we had gone through. And we felt better. We said, Oh, thank you, Dad, we feel better. And dad said, Don't worry, girls, if a few years from now, you need to come back to me and talk to me about this again, because you might need to go through this again. And so you you listening to me right now might need to go through this again. You might need to get counseling over and over. It's just because you get past at once doesn't mean it's never going to rear its ugly head. I mean, it's just like when you say the sinners prayer doesn't mean your life all of a sudden gets perfect now that you've got Jesus in your as your Lord and Savior, it's not. That's not just laughs just because I'm sorry about our church. That our church is not

 

Cari  16:16  

one and done is what Cristy is saying. And I did not know you're fine. It's not one and done. You may have to revisit the hurts. And and let me just say something when you stop allowing these things to control you and define you. You're not saying it was okay what your dad did you we're not saying it was okay, what our uncle did to us. I'm not saying it's okay, what Cristy's ex husband did to her. I'm not saying it's okay, what this bitter person had happened to her, it was terrible. But what we are saying is, I am not going to let this tell me how I live the rest of my life. And you know what you're worth the work you are and those of you that are listening to our voices, you're worth the hard work, your joy is worth the hard work, your journey is worth the hard work that you're gonna have to put into it. And I'm proud of you already. Because you can do this. You can be bigger, you can take the power away from the person who hurt you by not letting them have real estate in your soul anymore.

 

Cristy  17:20  

And depending on how bad your situation is, or how hard it was to get through, you might have to recommit every day, you might have to recommit i think is probably the best word heal a little bit every day. But just moving forward and not get not parking at the point of that pain is huge. I gotta tell you this, I was I've shared this before I was fired from Gold's Gym. Almost 10 years ago, I guess it's been about nine years ago from JP green, JP green fired me from Gold's Gym. And looking back. I understand why he fired me. I wasn't a good fit for that personal training team that he was molding that he was doing, because I wasn't somebody that would be a yes, man. I wasn't somebody that could easily just go through the motions. I was such an independent thinker. I had a good attitude. I showed up for work and stuff. That wasn't the case. It just, he let me go. And I was so angry at JP and for years. But that forced me to go on and create Code Red that forced me to create what is what you guys know is Code Red now, but I still when I say he doesn't even work for goals anymore. And yet I still get angry when I think about him because I was at the lowest point of my life. I was at the low I had no house. I had to go sleep in someone's guesthouse. My car was overheating. I had no money. I mean, it was just at a low point. And so sometimes I go Cristy, I just said to myself the other day Cristy, why are you still angry at JP like, he doesn't work for the company anymore. He doesn't, you are just a speck on his radar of crap going on. And I Oh, it's so hard to let that go. But you can let it go. Just like I let it go. And you can be so much better for it.

 

Cari  18:56  

And we're not saying that Cristy isn't allowed to be upset about what JP happened. But it doesn't need to sit front row of her life. It doesn't need to be for the rest of her life. Cristy is waiting tables at a Hooters saying, well, I got fired from Jill gold, and I didn't deserve it.

 

Cristy  19:12  

I shouldn't have gotten fired from Gold's but I did.

 

Cari  19:15  

She wasn't doing that. So even though she's still a little bit like about it, she didn't let it slow her down.

 

Cristy  19:22  

Right. And you do not let it you know, you don't need to let it slow you down. We have people that say well on their paperwork for their custom program. You know, I've never been below 200 pounds. I was 200 pounds in the ninth grade. And I've been huge all my life. Well, it's a new day but they cannot see past it. They cannot see past that point of their life. They can't they can't see beyond they can't see it. 135 pounds, they can't see they are right there. They're right there where the hurt started the weight packed on and they got to be 450 pounds. And they That's it. That's it for them. And so we really were breaking down some serious barriers that code red and we know you can Do this.

 

Cari  20:00  

Absolutely. And like I said before, you're worth it. You really are. You're worth the time and counseling you're worth. If that's what you decide to do. You are worth the hours spent journaling, talking with someone writing it down visiting with your pastor, whatever it is that you're deciding to do to get past the hurt. I would love to see my relative that is so hurt. Stop being so defined by what happened 40 years ago, because Cristy, it's crippling, it makes people not want to be around her. It makes none of us want to talk to her because you know, the conversations going to come back around to how somebody heard her. And nobody likes a victim. Whether or not it's a deserved victim or not. Nobody likes a victim. So it is I'll never forget the time that Cristy said to me, Well, you're just acting like the victim. And I was like, so mad at her. But she was totally right.

 

Cristy  20:53  

I said that to you. Yeah,

 

Unknown Speaker  20:55  

Yeah, you did.

 

Unknown Speaker  20:56  

I remember that. No, I

 

Unknown Speaker  20:57  

deserved it. It

 

Unknown Speaker  20:57  

was no, it

 

Cari  20:58  

was totally you were totally right. When you said it, it was a time of my life. I was acting like a victim. And you said, Wow, you just sound like a victim. And I went,

 

Unknown Speaker  21:07  

ah,

 

Cari  21:08  

yep. First I was like your dad Cristy. You haven't been through it? I've been through that. I was like, Yeah, she has. And either you conquer it or you let it take up precious real estate in your mind and in your heart. And I didn't Cristy was totally right. And it's a heart I so want to say to this relative. So when does what your dad did to us stop defining who you are. I mean, even all of her work, relationships are broken. Because of her not being able to be happy. It's a mess. Cristy. It's an absolute mess.

 

Cristy  21:42  

I'm racking my brain trying to figure out who it is. I

 

Cari  21:44  

can't remember. I'll text you the next name. Hang on.

 

Cristy  21:49  

I'm sorry, Laura. Oh, geez. You know, with the great thing about our coaching program is that we have a wide range of coaches, and senior leaders and leaders and staff, we have over 60 people who have helped run Code Red . And these guys come to the table with a wide variety of backgrounds. And I can promise you, this, somebody there has been where you are they understand. But you have got to make that initial decision, we cannot make that decision for you. We can show you the way we can give you the support the love the education, the accountability, we got that part. But unless you draw a line and you say no more, I'm done. I'm done being the victim, I'm done parking at the point of my pain, I'm no longer going to let my past to find me, you've got to say those words, you got to come this way. If you just come this way a little bit to us, we got you. Let us wrap our loving your arms around you. And let us love you until you can love yourself.

 

Cari  22:46  

And you don't need to have all the details figured out. You just have to say you don't have to have it all like you don't have to be like,

 

Unknown Speaker  22:52  

Oh, I'm in one with the universe.

 

Cari  22:57  

And you You know what? When our uncle, an uncle distant uncle, abused Cristy and I, our dad said something to me that stuck with me, Cristy, I don't know if you remember this. But he said you never have to forgive him if you don't want to. Now some of you are Christians. And you're out there and you're like taking your Bible and you're banging it on the computer right now. And I get it. But to a 12 year old girl who did not understand what happened to her. That was the perfect thing that my dad said to me at that moment, knowing that I didn't have to forgive him. It doesn't have to be okay what he did to you Cari. It only has to be that you decide to move forward from here. And you don't let what happened to you be an excuse for you not reaching your goals and you not being successful in life and you not being happy, not even successful, just happy. And I appreciated that. So I'm telling you, I'm giving you permission. And y'all can write in and send me all the scriptures you want. You don't have to forgive the people that screwed you over. But you are responsible for how you respond to it. That's what you're responsible for. I don't care if you don't forgive them, Lord. I know.

 

Unknown Speaker  24:04  

I know.

 

Cari  24:05  

But I do care. I do care how you choose to move forward from here having this knowledge that we've given you today. Hmm, I'm getting fired up. That is

 

Cristy  24:13  

right. What was that was that before after mom wrestled the gun out of his hand when he said he was gonna go kill him. Because he was ready to kill them. And until God he died. Let me tell you.

 

Cari  24:26  

Yeah, everybody's got family secrets. Y'all. Our family has skeletons in their closet. And don't act like yours don't because we know it does.

 

Cristy  24:34  

Yeah. Well, you don't have to dig too far to find some dirt on me. Let me tell you, the skeletons are kind of like right there. Believe me. There's not a whole lot of secrets. You know, with the internet. Yeah,

 

Cari  24:43  

some of my skeletons still have partial custody of my child, my child and so I gotta hear from them too. So

 

Cristy  24:49  

I totally get it. Yep, I get it. Oh, that's funny. You guys. 10 pound take down.com is always the best place to get start. With Code Red, but if you do want to skip to the front of the line and get some personalized, customized coaching, you can do that with our custom nutrition program. Yeah, it's 997 it is an investment in you. Your health is never an expense, it isn't an investment. We want you to see it as that you can go listen to the podcast I did called pay now or pay later. because let me tell you, the bill is coming. So either you give Code Red  your 997 Now, are you gonna pay the hospital copay? It's Listen, we got the easiest hard that you've ever dealt with. So you might as well let us help you at least try it real food, water and sleep the proper human diet or join one of our $47 challenges. Either way, there's a lot of resources for you. There's the YouTube channel, the Instagram, the podcast, so many great the Code Red  app, I mean, so many great things that ways that you can be a part of the community and a part of the movement without having to buy anything so but if you need the extra help, that's what we're here for. Any final thoughts? Just

 

Cari  25:58  

know, I think I summed it up as I just want to say it one more time. I know I said it lots. But I want to see you be happy. Whether you never lose a pound. We want you to get to a good weight and be healthy, like we want that. But honestly, I'd rather see just be happy and be okay and have peace in your soul. And stop letting those monsters that hurt you take up a piece of your heart. That's what I want. I want healing. And if on that journey, you decide to lose some weight and get healthy. Then Cristy and I are here for you. But I want you to have peace and you are worth the hard work it's going to take

 

Cristy  26:34  

Well, I love that. Guys, thank you for joining us. We'll talk to you on the next episode. Take care. Bye, everyone. Thanks so much for listening to rebel weight loss and lifestyle. If you're a code red rebel and you haven't already downloaded your Free Code Red lifestyle on the go guide, then Now is your time to get a copy. This guide will teach you how to stay Code Red  approved, even with your crazy life schedule. To get a copy right now. All you need to do is open your podcast app, go to this episode shownotes and click the link to get your Code Red  approved on the go guide. So I will see you on the next episode of rebel weight loss and lifestyle.

 

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