I bought a pair of jeans online from Express recently, but they were too big.

So I took them to the in-person Express in Boise to return them and get something else.

Express didn’t have that exact style, so I looked at other styles and other clothing.

I came across a black and white striped dress I REALLY liked, so I grabbed it in a size medium and a size small (normally I’m a medium).

I tried on the medium, and it left gaps around my boobs.

The small was pretty snug, but it fit SO much better…

Until I tied the strap around my neck, and it pulled on my boobs in a way that resulted in a tiny bit of cleavage and a little bit of side boob.

This dress wasn’t cheap, and I didn’t want to buy it unless I was sure.

I needed an honest opinion, so I walked out of the dressing room to talk to the male sales associate, who is a kind and great man about my age.

“Can I ask your honest opinion?” I said to him.

“Of course,” he replied.

“If I was your wife, would you be comfortable with me wearing this out in public? Am I putting forth a classy, timeless image? Am I leaving an impression that’s at all trashy with this tiny bit of cleavage and this little bit of side boob? Would this offend the Holy Spirit? I don’t think it would, but as a man, what do YOU think?”

“This is a statement piece,” he replied. “When you walk in a room, you’re going to turn heads. If you walk into church, people are going to look, but I don’t think it’s because of the side boob. It’s because you draw attention wherever you go. Plus, this dress draws attention. In my opinion, I would absolutely be proud, if you were my wife, to have you walk around in public in that dress. I didn’t notice the cleavage or side boob.”

So, I bought the dress and I can’t wait to wear it!

This man’s honesty was something I REALLY appreciated.

I know we’ve all heard the joke about a woman asking her husband if a dress makes her look fat, then getting mad at him if he says yes.

But I don’t ask a man questions like that unless I want an honest answer.

I also don’t lie to people to “be nice” when they ask for my honest opinion.

When people came to the in-person version of my “How to Dress for your Body Shape” workshop, I gave honest body shape assessments on their outfits, just like this man did for me. I was kind, yes, AND I was honest, so that people could actually learn and benefit from my my assessments.

Some people are uncomfortable giving and receiving honest answers.

But holding back honest answers when someone asks you for your honest opinion is a waste of everyone’s time.

Case in point:

I took two rings over to a jewelry shop to get them sized up (because they were too small for my fingers).

I’ve been using this same jeweler for ten years.

Yet he took one look at the rings and, instead of just answering my question, he said, “Cristy, er, um, I, uh, um…”

“It’s okay, just tell me straight up,” I said.

“It’s just, well, um, it’s just, it won’t endure the um, it’s not strong enough, to, um…”

“You’re saying it’s cheap,” I clarified. “You’re saying the rings are too cheap to be stretched.”

“Yes,” he confirmed, sounding uncomfortable.

“No, it’s okay,” I assured him. “These were given to me.”

“If we were to stretch these rings to your size, they’d crack, break, and bust apart,” he finally admitted.

“Okay, great! That’s all I needed to know,” I replied.

“Well, I didn’t know how to say that right. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

See what I mean?

Instead of just giving me his honest assessment, he made me try and guess his answer, all because he was uncomfortable being honest.

I know he meant well, but like I said, it’s a waste of everyone’s time to tiptoe around like that. 

It’s tricky sometimes. I get it. If you’re the one who was asked to give your opinion, you’re worried about hurting their feelings.

If you’re the one ASKING for any opinion, check yourself. Make sure you really are looking for someone else’s honest opinion vs. trying to get validation because YOU have doubts. It’s a bait and switch to ask for their opinion when you really want their validation, and it’s a terrible thing to do to someone who’s just trying to help you.

If you ask for someone’s honest opinion, and it’s not what you were “hoping to hear,” try and be a grownup about it. If they don’t agree with you, it doesn’t mean they’re right and you’re wrong. It means they gave you exactly what you asked for: THEIR OPINION.

You’ll feel a lot better appreciating the time they took to give you their honest opinion than you will resenting them for not reading your mind if you were actually hoping for validation or agreement.